To be "in" something does not make it so...

Today got me thinking about insanity. Not thinking about it like it was something I wanted to try, just the very language of it. Why is it a good thing to be simply "sane"? But "insanity" is not the same as being "in sanity", with the prefix "in" meaning "not" or "without". If something is valid, we say it is "valid". If it's within its validity, we do not say "invalid", for that means it is not valid. "Incorrect" is not something meandering in its correctness, but in fact is "not correct", "Insurmountable", is I suppose, the inability to be ...surmounted? And "inability", for that matter, a lack of ability.  (I know, the way this blog is shaping up, you're probably beginning to wonder if I decided affirmatively to try that whole "insanity" thing. But hear me out.) It also got me thinking about other words and phrases.  What does it mean when someone says they're "in love"? Are they in a state of love, or do they only THINK they are in a state of love, which leaves them (and the person they share this love with) to actually be "inlove", or "without love". I'm aware that "inlove" isn't a word, but my point is, maybe it should be. For when someone decides they are out of love, it doesn't mean they've run out of love to give, they are simply no longer in a state of love with the other person. Why shouldn't we then, have a word that so concisely....surmounts...this state of being out of love? Breakups, of course, would be tricky. It would all be in the phrasing, the pacing of the words. "I'm sorry, but I'm inlove with you." "I know." "No, I mean, I'm not IN LOVE with you, I'm inlove with you." ...This new word might take a while to catch on, but give it time. I see potential. Perhaps you feel this blog is "inpoint" (not a word, but still lacking a point.). I'll leave you with this: LOVE is a very particular word. A word I feel is tossed around too loosely these days, without a real sense of the gravity behind it, or a real sense on how much gravity the other person will put on it. So, dear ones, be careful before you tell someone you're in love. Said too hastily, and you may soon find yourself "inlove".

Single And Happy: One Woman's Year-Long Social Experiment to Find Fulfillment and Empowerment

Grabbed off of my Facebook page...originally dated February 2011 (perhaps this will teach me to be more diligent to remember to post in BOTH of my bloggy places) :)

There have been (ahem...plenty) of times in my life when I have been single; and many times in my life that I have been happy. But ne'er the twain hath ever met. I blame society. I blame TV. Sure, why not, I blame Canada. At 26, I am a smart, witty, attractive female, with the voice of an angel and the heart the size of Texas. But that is not enough. According to the world around me, I should have paired off and mated by now. I have watched countless friends marry and procreate (of which not all are significantly happier for it), and I have to wonder: Does the God I worship want me to run off with the first man who pays attention to me, just for the sake of fulfilling some socially-acceptable ideal of normalcy? No, I don't believe so. And yet, for whatever reason, I have been wired with this compulsion that in order to be someone, I have to be WITH someone. Frankly, I find this truly antithetical to what women of our time could and should be. Not to mention that this compulsion often has me chasing, and falling, for the wrong men, and ultimately getting hurt in the process.

So, I propose a challenge...

Beginning February 14th (fitting, as it is Valentine's Day, and by all accounts the most "romantic" day of the year), I will remain single for one full year. Voluntarily. During which time I will foster many (okay, at least 5) worthwhile platonic relationships with people of the opposite sex (of which I would normally pine for). This will hopefully serve the purpose of teaching me that not every man I feel an emotional or intellectual connection with is my soulmate, as well as developing a burgeoning social life here in New Mexico. I will also not text or flirt with men for the sheer result of emotional validation. ...cuz that's lame. Somehow I've developed this warped idea that a guy drunk-texting me "U r so hot", somehow makes me a viable catch for the male species. Be still my beating heart. Lol.

In the meantime, I will do a lot of soul-searching, comprised of many good, hard looks in the mirror (or "mira" as most of you know I pronounce it) to seek and destroy the old patterns and screwed-up beliefs that have otherwise caused me to fail (myself) in the romantic department. All the while getting to know this quirky gal I have become, and hopefully learn to love her in the process.

It will be hard. It will be painful. It will be arduous. It will be filled with nights of tears and empty bottles of merlot, but I feel it will be worth it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Call me crazy, but I'm tired of being romantically insane. Lol.

Keep up with my progress on my blog, godslittleworkinprogress.blogspot.com, and feel free to join me on my quest. I also welcome suggestions of things I can learn/do in the course of this year (un-romantic-related), to grow. i.e. learn a language, train for a marathon, take up crocheting, etc.

Trisha's Sugar-Free Easter Blog

Found on my Facebook page...originally dated April 4th, 2010...

I know not what it is to suffer. Trust me, to hear me tell it, you'd think I do. I can complain with the best of them. But at my core, I know that I don't suffer. I've never had to suffer. I've STRUGGLED, perhaps; been met with obstacles and hardships, but I think I've found the difference. Jesus suffered. He was persecuted, beaten, stripped of his dignity and murdered brutally. He SUFFERED. I believe that struggle is something we bring upon ourselves; it is consequence to our actions. When people struggle financially, emotionally, professionally, romantically, it is usually due in some part to poor choices they have made. It is not heeding our better judgement (what I believe to be God nudging us in the right direction) and still taking a path we probably know we shouldn't. But we do not suffer. What Jesus had to endure, I do not believe were consequences of his actions. He was not making wrong or poor choices that brought him to a place where he needed to be taught a lesson. In fact, he was the MOST in-tune with a plan God laid out for him. And it is through Christ's suffering, that I can now struggle and come out the other side. That I can make dumb decisions and completely think I've destroyed my life, to learn, grow, and continue on. That God is present in my everyday, nudging me toward a life filled with less and less struggle. A life that I both love, and love to complain about. But a life nonetheless, devoid of suffering. So, may God meet you where you struggle today, and carry you through to a struggle-free tomorrow. ...and what this all has to do with rabbits, chocolate, and brightly-colored hidden eggs, I will never understand. 

Broken HIp or Paradigm Shift?

How often we as people tend to place blame of our misfortune(s) on others. If we aren't hired for a job, we say it's the fault of the employer to have not seen the potential in us; if we are "dumped", we find fault in the other party's inability to see the sheer awesomeness in us. But do we ever stop to think that WE might be what holds us back? A fear of failure, a fear of success, insecurities all forged in the life experiences that shape us; our minds self-sabotaging our every move in the pursuit of happiness. We weigh ourselves down with our own doubts so much so, that we can never truly rise to the level of achievement we seek. We are bound only by the limits in our own minds. And here's an example: I was speaking with a woman the other day who was about to go visit her mother in the hospital. When I asked her what was wrong, she said "She just had a hip replacement. But she's already up and walking. You see, she has dementia, so the doctors think she isn't aware of how bad the pain is." ---This woman's mother should by all accounts be in a very fragile physical state, with months of healing and therapy ahead, but her mind isn't able to tell her what she CAN'T do. Imagine then, if you were able to shift all those things that your mind tells you that you can't do ----how would today be different? How would tomorrow be different? How could the whole course of your life be different? When you were little, did you ever pretend to be something? A princess, a superhero? What did you think you were going to be when you grew up? I, of course, at 8 years old wanted to be a dancer, who was Spanish - so that's a bad example - but nothing told me I couldn't be. Nothing kept me from believing with every beat of my 8 year-old heart that I could be the greatest Spanish lady dancer in the history of the world. ...Again, really bad example, but the point is, as we get older, life starts to creep in. People we come in contact with, things we go through, all start to build up in our "I Can't" bank. Over time, these things completely shift who we are or what we feel we're capable of doing. So, I say, in this moment, rid yourself of all of your "I Can't"s. Ignore the broken hip, and be the greatest Spanish lady dancer in the history of the world.

The Recycling Bin...

There are interpersonal relationships in our lives that we can deem "toxic" to our personal and spiritual growth. Others, maybe not so much toxic, as just a little "stale". I feel like every so often we should go through our "friend fridge" and see what's still good to keep, and what has gone severely past its expiration date. But there are rare occasions when there's a relationship that just needs a little revamping, instead of going in the trash, could be better served to go into the "recycling bin"; taking a deeper look at the problems that perhaps need some tweaking, and recycling that relationship into something better and stronger. ...I could go into a long-winded analogy about your Emotional Carbon Footprint, but I fear I would lose some of you (and myself) along the way... I guess the reason this topic is on my mind is because I am faced with an interpersonal relationship in my life that I am currently weighing the fate of. They're a wonderful person, who had, at one point or another, brought great joy into my life. But that has ceased to happen, and I now find them causing me more stress and heartache than positive feelings. I am a woman all about forward-motion, and have a deep love for pouring into those who are pouring into me, helping one another learn and grow, but I don't see this happening with this slightly-expired relationship, and I'm forced to wonder if I trash them, or try to salvage what forged our bonds in the first place, and recycle what I can. I believe everyone deserves a second chance, but a fourth or fifth? Especially with people who were never quite "as there" for you as you were for them. I suppose all I can do is pray about it. But when your logical mind is saying, "The milk smells bad! Throw it away!" ...and then your friends and family come into this imaginary kitchen and say "Whew! That milk smells terrible! You should definitely throw it away!", it becomes increasingly difficult to see the benefit in keeping the spoiled milk. And letting it just sit on the countertop doesn't solve the problem either. It just makes your kitchen smell. Maybe discerning what relationships are ready for the trash is the EASY part; it's the follow-through that comes with saying goodbye, or having those tough conversations about what needs to be done to fix things, that are the truly difficult parts. Learning the answer is not as hard as having the answer, and having to do something about it. Just remember: if you spill the milk, don't cry over it. I hear there's no use.

The Fog...

The other morning, as I drove to work, the highway was consumed by fog. I could barely see in front of me, and couldn't see behind. In my field of vision, was only the small stretch of road I was driving. And that's when I felt the presence of the Lord. He and I had gotten into an argument just the night before about how I was too afraid to fully trust Him, and I found my current traffic situation to serve as a symbol for that. I could only see the road for what it was in the present; I couldn't look behind me, couldn't see what was ahead --- I just had to trust --- trust that there WAS a road laid out in front of me. Clearly I knew this to be true, as I'd been driving these roads for 6 months now ---but it was the idea of trusting God, not relying on my own sight, my own mind, my own memory.... I rely on myself a lot, mostly because I'm afraid of being disappointed by others. What a horrible place to reside, always waiting for the other shoe to drop! Always waiting to be betrayed, to fail or be failed, expecting it to just be a matter of time for the worst to occur. Where did I get such a notion? How did I get here? More importantly, how do I get out? How do I find a way to trust God? How do I find a way to trust His love, His guidance, His strength? How do I trust my own ears to listen, my own heart to hear Him? What is certain is that the road is there. But the PATIENCE for the road to reveal itself, that is the challenge.

I love it when a plan comes together...

Ever have that moment where you realize that every step you take, every move you make (short of being chronicled by Sting), has lead to one congruent purpose? As though the heavens themselves open up and say, "Hey, that's what that was for!" ...no?...well, wait for it. It's bound to happen. By all accounts, the past few months had been rather trying for me. In fact, I can reference quite a few occasions throughout the course of my life that have been "rather trying". But as time goes on, I learn these things were not without purpose. Each of these threads, good, bad, or trying, have served to make up the fabric of who I am, who I'm becoming, and who I'm meant to be. Step back with me for a moment; take a look at the big picture. Can you find moments in your life that when combined, created a path that led to a somewhat defining moment? Bigger still, even the relationships we have with people, those we keep, those we lose, all we come in contact with, lead to defining moments, and defining ourselves: the love of your life, whom you met through your new-found best friend, that you met at a church you randomly visited with a coworker from a job you received through the reference of your cousin, whom you hadn't spoken to in 6 years until you ran into them at a shoe store in the mall...Best part of that story: God saw it coming the whole time. He divinely orchestrates those beautiful "A-ha!" moments we get to enjoy here on Earth. He's like the parent that gets to constantly throw a surprise party for His children. Warm fuzzies aside, there's something incredibly comforting about that. Even when life feels entirely out of control, when those rather trying moments overwhelm us, force us to hit rock bottom, make life get really dark ---He's got it all covered. He's using those moments to grow us and shape us, those threads to fabricate us, make us stronger. The Biblical story of Joseph comes to mind. Despite his trials, he chose to recognize them as opportunities for divine growth, for building a foundation for his character as a man. God blesses those who honors Him in such a way. I look back on the struggles of the past; they are wounds, yes, but I feel like through the help of the Lord, I can USE these things for a purpose of good. I can say to someone "I know how you feel", or "I've been there before", and mean it, wholly and truly. So take a moment today to take a step back, and try to see the big picture your Heavenly Father may have in mind for you. Sooner or later, you and God can together say, "I love it when a plan comes together."